The tale of my life :)

how can one not noe how to express themselves ? incredulously, when yur going through a plethora of feelings in yur mind ? everyone has a way to react. some say, some sing, some write whilst some just forever be in a struggle with themselves.

emotions expressed are like seamless satin, crystal clear french windows.. sweet water which makes its way along the Himalayas, a torrent, of what yur soul feels like. a piece of yur soul that yu want to share with another being, a bond that connects person to person. just the way there’s an infinite bond between the sun and the moon, the planets and the stars. the same way His hands fit into Hers. Perfect. just the way it should be.

sometimes i feel if its the right thing to do, to not say something thats on yur mind, and regret for the remainder of yur life. i , like very human here, regret some things in the past, but cherish some times too. but then when i sit, long hours at a stretch staring blankly into the infinite space ahead of me, i realize - should i have just told him what i felt ? what was on my mind ? wouldn’t i have faced isolation eitherways ? infact, i might have him by my side now, if at all any consequence.. definitely couldn’t have gone worse than breaking what we had altogether .. the way it happened eventually.

alas! thats something i’ll have to unearth on my own, over a period of time and exerience. all i know for now is that expressions area funny thing, mirrors that refect not only what yu are feeling, but also what others are feeling.

laters then.. xoxo

how did marilyn actually die ? hmm ? *scratches head*

When I was just a little girl
I  asked my mother, ” what will I be ?”
Will I be pretty, Will I be rich
here’s what she said to me

Que Sera, sera 
whatever will be, will be
the future’s not ours to see
Que Sera, sera

Ever since school i’ve been writing the same essays and comprehensions thru my school life , just like all the other kids. One of these ‘ghisi piti’ essays was that of ‘My Ambition’. I never knew what it actually meant, or what i wanted to be at that raw age. Only now i come to realise what i want to be and what my aspirations are.

My dad dispenses hearing aids and also has a side by side tiny place where audiometry is done and then he goes on to hearing aid fittings and sale. As a child i used to go to his office and sit. Try the headphones myself, talk into them and play with them. He then put the idea into my head that ‘oh, thats what an audiologist does”  and “won’t yu help yur father at his clinic once yu grow up ?”

I don’t mean to place a blame for me choosing speech and hearing over here. I quite enjoyed it myself. The term ‘audiologist’ sounds fancy , and i had heard that yu can earn a lot too. Yeah, funny how i always end up thinking about earning. Its not that i am greedy for money or something, i want to give those things to my family, my mother especially, what she had earlier. I want to bring back my family’s status to what it was before. This is actually a pretty revealing and deep post that i am writing, i don’t even know if i oughtta be posting it online at all.

I dream now. I dream of going abroad. I dream of getting an MBA after my post graduation too. I want to study, and i will. I dream of building my mom a house. I dream of helping her learn music at the greatest singers in the city. I dream of launching her in a CD. I dream of gifting her what she loves – sarees, designer jewellery and something for her music pandit. I dream of taking her to the places she wants to visit. I want to see that smile of hers that makes me tear every time i think of her. I dream of giving my dad financial security, i dream of bringing him peace of mind. I dream of telling him to trust in US, his family.

I’m going to make my dreams come along. This feeling has now built up, and at a level that i’ll do anything and everything that i can to make them come true. I will study, and i will rise higher. Then only will i breathe with ease. Nd i promise i will bring this day within the next 6 years.

God will stand by me and give me faith, and with His support, i will fly towards my dreams and make them come true. And i will then see the colours of my dreams fill up the canvas of my life.

laters ! xoxo

Yesterday was the day when my neighbour’s pet breathed his last. He was the sweetest dog my family and i have come across. His name was kalu. Long long back , when i was in grade 5 , a black dog (and completely if i may add) sauntered into our society. He had a number on his leg and one of his ears were torn ! we were kind of shocked at first but then only did we find out that thats the way the govt marks the dogs who have been operated.. (ahem, i think birth control :P). We thought he might be hungry and one small feed would do no harm. My family is crazy for pets.. everything pets. My mom loves cats and dogs , my brother and i love both.. and my dad is a total dog lover. Thats us for u !

So my neighbour and my mum , we gave the lil doggy some bread and milk. He used to come everyday then , the same time and at the same place. We all grew fond of him. The children in the society used to play with him , running all around him. He was their shiny new toy :)

My neighbour lived on the ground floor , a big joint family. My society members seemed to have a grudge towards her and her family. Some reasons i really dun’t know. Though i specifically knew about one of my other neighbours really rally disliking her ! hmm.. thats that , another story. Continuing here , she thought of adopting the dog (he was a stray anyway !) and thats how he entered our life.

We guessed he was about a year or 2 years when he came to us. His shiny black eyes reminded us of ebony , and the way they glistened with joy when he saw us, gave us nothing but joy. Yu know what was the best thing i liked about him ? he used to all the way , all the way even if it were 2 kms , just to meet yu , jump on yu , and give yu a shake hand. Oh his cute little paw would just shoot up and into yur hand when yu would say “kaalu shake hand ??” and he won’t do this for strangers.. It was only us who were so privileged to get one :)

Kaalu was a very healthy doggy.. mm.. he had a daily routine of exercise. He loved taking walks ! walk with mummy to the market , with dad to the bank , with vasu till the cyber cafes and with me till my school bus ! he never ever leet us feel like we were alone. There was this one time when he actually ran with me when i missed my school bus ! i’ll never forget that ! he half climbed inside , kind of giving this glare to the driver “ how could yu *wuff* leave praju and go ?? *wuff wuff*”. Didn’t i tell yu he was adorable ? i never skipped my bus since (anyone guess why ? ;))

He was our guardian when we were sleeping. One will find so many petty thieves in pune.. many.. and where i stay, without a watchful dog in the society, its never safe ! the watchmen , conveniently doze off to sleep ! once these 2 men came into the building , and attempted to steal our steel drainage covers (God knows why one would take that , apparently its very expensive) , and Kaalu acted rescuer by barking aptly and waking of snoozing watchman and us up ! off they ran then ! leaving the half removed cover behind !! this is just one incident , Kaalu was the rescuer all his life !

Everyone loved kaalu , even the cats ! lol, there was once i saw a kitty sitting on kaalu’s back whilst he attempted to either scare it off , or chase his own tail.. ! hehe.. he was one adorable thing !

And yet , there are times when yu feel like yu need no one else in this world , yu want to be alone and yu just can’t find anyone who will understand what yur going through, a doggy’s head , just on yur lap , works as a miracle.. i can keep writing about kaalu for pages and pages along and yet that would not be enough to express how much we all will miss him.

I don’t want to make this whole article feel sad , its just a reminder for me that i had a really really superfab doggy , who left his imprints all over my memories ; and footprints all over the house also !

This tribute to all those doggies in the world , who rock the lives of their families ,who also support them all through.. ( yes , dogs can keep a totally straight face when needed too :P) … WUFF WUFF ! *tail wag* (in a humany way !)

later ! xoxo

My friend is not wrong, i do write on my blog after a very very long tym.. its sumthing like my diary. Yu either write when yu are very happy or either very sad. Today is a day of mixed emotions for me. Its like , i’ve been at home since a almost when i came. The weather here is very uneven. It rains some mornings , and its sunny sometimes. Very sunny , and drizzly.

The good news is , im getting better. This means that i can hang out more with my friends. I feel bad , cuz i dint meet the closest of my friends. And its not like they dint ask me.. its that i just keep missing their calls.

I will go for a family lunch tomorrow :D. Thats something i wll be doing after a really long time. I think the last time our whole family went out for dinner was i think when i was in school. Its shocking for some , but it always was like either dad or my bro , or i ended up getting busy all the time. Im looking forward to it !

Im still alien with how a blog works though, i tried to check out other blogs so i would know how it should be, but then i just felt gay. I mean , why am i to look at others blogs and then see what to write ? did not make sense. So i thought of writing stuff which i see around , what makes me laugh, and things that make me reflect back , and think about them.

Its like today i felt bad and good at the same time. Good , because God stood my me, He heard my prayers and His blessings helped me to clear all my subjects. He helps me recover and keep a positive attitude towards life. I read it on the status shuffle, that “i love the moments which make yu smile , regardless of what yu are going thru right now”. Its true.. it is true.. i do think of the to,es when i thought that they were the happiest , and the times i cursed my life, asking Him why it is so bad. But now i know , life is never so bad, there is always something to learn from it.

I lost my Aunt to cancer. My kitten died when she was 2 weeks old. I lost my faith in God.

As i sat down at the window, i could help control the tears that leaved through the corner of my eye. I had lost all the hope to carry on. I felt it was wrong that this happened. I thought i was the only one who felt bad. I had lost 2 people, 2 lifes, which meant the whole world to me. I was shattered, in turmoil. I never went to the temples, i had become an atheist.

My mother could see what i was going through and one day as we were just sitting, silent , watching the telly , mum asked me how many days is stuff going to be this way ? i responded by looking at her , my mind as blank as the starless night sky. She then said one thing.. just a statement , “praju, whatever happens , it happens for good, if at all there was something needed at that time , it was this.” I asked her why would God want to take away 2 innocent souls who hadn’t harmed anyone, who did not do anything wrong ? she then told me that it was what God wanted , it was what they wanted.. He helped them release from the pain and suffering that they were going through, that God always stands by yu , whatever yu may be facing. Hard times and joy , all are a part of yur life.

Now whenever i am happy , i thank God for giving me that joy. When im sad, or intense , when i feel the pressure and that i cannot bear it , i ask God for strength to get through it.

I hope this wasn’t very spiritualistic.. its just something i wanted to say.. never lose yur faith because some things din’t go the way yu wanted them to.. cuz sometimes , its just the way He wants it to be.. :)